Exhausted from Lack of Personal Space

Assalamu alaikum. I honestly don’t know where to begin, but I need to let this out because I’ve been keeping it inside for too long. I truly dislike where I live right now. It’s a small apartment with my parents and younger siblings, and I don’t have my own room. I sleep in the living room, sharing a bed with my little brothers. There’s no privacy-no door to close, no corner that’s mine, nowhere to be alone when I need it. Some might think I’m being ungrateful, but I’m not asking for luxury. I just want a normal personal space: a place to come home to after a long day, close the door, relax, pray, study, make dua, cry, or just lie down without everyone around. I’ve always dreamed of having my own room. I want to decorate it, choose the colors, have my own bed and desk-a space that feels like mine. I see others my age fixing up their rooms, having friends over, and it stings. I wish I had that too. The apartment itself has been stressful. Neighbors make noise at all hours-music, banging, thudding-and it’s hard to sleep or relax. A previous upstairs neighbor situation was traumatic with yelling and banging, and even now unexpected sounds make me anxious. There have been electrical issues too; power outages, damage to utility equipment affecting dozens. It feels like there’s always something wrong. And I hate walking outside and knowing strangers are all around. I want a home where my family has our own space. Recently, we found a 2-bedroom house that could be rented for about $600 less than a similar apartment my mom was considering. My friend used to live there and said the bedrooms are big. The house would give me my own room. I was excited. But my mom doesn’t want to move. She says rooms in houses can be smaller, worries about my younger brothers being home alone, notes the house is a 7-minute longer walk from their school, and has only one bathroom. I get her reasoning. She’s my parent and thinks of things I might not. But it hurts that my feelings seem to barely matter. I tried talking to her again, and she stood by her decision, even bringing up her age as proof of wisdom. I understand she has more life experience, but sometimes it feels like being older means my feelings are dismissed. There are things in this apartment that genuinely affected me, and I don’t think my parents ever really understood how much. Once my mom told me if I don’t like it, I should move away. But I’m young-how am I supposed to do that? I don’t have the money or independence. Hearing that feels pointless because she knows I can’t. I’ve cried over this many times. There were nights I sat thinking how badly I want my own room and how trapped I feel. And the irony is, when I need to cry, I have no private space-I’m in the living room. That hurts more than people realize. I also feel like I’m missing out compared to others my age. I don’t have a big social life or regular friends. I’m trying to work, earn money, figure out my future, and get closer to my deen because I’m not where I want to be spiritually. Sometimes I think maybe there’s nothing good for me in this world, and it’s all in the next life-which would be perfect-but right now it’s hard. When I’m around people, I act cheerful, but deep down knowing I have to go back to a place I don’t even call home ruins my day. I wish I had somewhere that could be mine, somewhere to mentally recharge. Instead, I come back to the same environment I want to escape. I know others have it worse, and I have things to be grateful for. But I’m allowed to admit I’m unhappy. I’m tired of waiting until I’m older for basic privacy. I’m tired of seeing others have what I desperately want while my life feels stuck. I’m tired of feeling like my opinions about my own living situation don’t matter. Wallahi it hurts. I’ve made dua for better living conditions-not even luxury. It hasn’t happened yet, but I trust Allah’s plans. It brings me comfort knowing He is always aware of what I go through and all the trauma I’ve experienced. Surely life isn’t just suffering in private. Maybe soon I’ll go to college far away and finally have my own space. Maybe my family will move. Maybe I’ll afford my own place. I don’t know. Right now, I desperately want a home that feels peaceful and a room that feels like mine. If you don’t understand, that’s fine. You don’t have to agree or understand perfectly. But if you’re going to be negative, dismissive, or call me spoiled without trying to understand, please don’t say anything. I’m posting because I need to vent, not to feel worse. I just really want some peace, privacy, and a place to call my own. I have tears as I’m writing this.