How to deal with loneliness as a new Muslimah?
Assalamu alaikum everyone. I'm a female convert, it's been less than a year since I embraced Islam. Shortly after my conversion, I ended a 13-year relationship because it no longer fit with my new life. Before converting, I was close to two sisters who guided me through my shahada and the hard days after. But over the past six months, we've grown apart, not really anyone's fault. One I hardly talk to anymore, the other is on and off, and even when we do talk we rarely meet. I still keep my Islam hidden. I live alone, so I can practice freely at home. I haven't told my parents yet-they live nearby but separately. Only a few coworkers know because they saw me at the hospital prayer room. I don't wear hijab yet, so I'm not visibly Muslim. The biggest struggle is the overwhelming isolation. I go to work, come home to an empty house, eat alone, spend weekends alone. I know ending that relationship was my choice, but almost a year later, the pain is still fresh. Sometimes it feels like I changed my whole life so fast that I haven't had a moment to breathe-and honestly, it can be too much. I occasionally go to the masjid, but I usually just pray and leave. During Ramadan I went most mornings and nights, often alone, but it didn't ease the loneliness. People there have their own circles and don't really reach out beyond a salaam. Some days the loneliness nearly crushes me. But the bigger issue is that my iman is still weak, so these feelings can shake my faith and fill me with doubt. It happens every few weeks, and each time it's harder to pull myself out. I often bury myself in learning-reading, listening, studying-to distract from the loneliness, but I end up burning out. I know many converts go through this. So how do you cope? Where do you find support? How do you make your faith so strong that emotions don't make the ground tremble beneath you? Sorry if this is scattered. My mind is cloudy and my heart is heavy today. I'd appreciate any advice from those who've been through something similar.