Coping with a spiritual struggle that's weighing on my heart, mind, and daily life
Assalamu alaikum. I'm reaching out because I don't have anyone around me who really listens without judging. I'm facing a deep crisis in my faith, and it's beginning to impact my mental state, feelings, and even my work. My challenge revolves mostly around salah-not the act itself, but the perspective I grew up with. It was always taught with an emphasis on fear, obligation, and guilt, leaving little space for heartfelt connection or deeper understanding. Now, as an adult, I'm striving to cultivate a relationship with Allah that's sincere and not solely driven by apprehension. Whenever I try to discuss this with my family, they shut me down quickly. They insist I'm just confused, going through a temporary phase, or being swayed by 'online influences.' Even when I mention Quranic verses or insights from respected scholars, they dismiss it because 'we don't know them,' despite using the internet for other aspects of life. It makes me feel like they've already made up their minds about me, and my voice doesn't count. This has really taken an emotional and psychological toll. I feel mentally exhausted, spiritually adrift, and emotionally depleted. It's hard to concentrate at my job and be fully present in my daily activities. I'm not turning away from Islam or prayer-I'm seeking to engage with them in a way that feels uplifting, not oppressive. I'm sharing this because I'm not sure how to move forward. How do you rebuild your faith when the way you learned it feels harmful? How do you handle family who won't acknowledge your inner struggle? And how do you keep going when everything inside feels like it's falling apart? Any kind words, personal experiences, or du'as would be so appreciated. Jazakum Allahu khayran.