Coming back to faith, feeling deep regret over lost love

Assalamu alaikum, I’m trying to find my way back to Allah, and honestly I’m so angry at myself for what happened. I was blessed with meeting a man I thought would be my husband, someone I truly needed during a time of heavy grief. But my anxiety, old wounds, and drifting away from my deen made me overthink and ruin everything. Now he’s gone and doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t forgive myself. I keep wishing I could turn back time and fix it. I’m trying to strengthen my iman and remind myself that when good comes, it’s from Allah and I need to trust Him. But the regret is eating me up. How do I find peace after pushing away a gift from Allah? JazakAllah khair for any advice.