Finding Trust in Allah After Cancer

Salaam everyone. I’m a 24-year-old who ‘beat’ cancer, but honestly, reconnecting with Islam feels tougher than ever now. A bit of backstory: I always tried to be a decent Muslim. Kept up my five daily prayers, did dhikr, and tried to read a bit of the Quran each day. I wasn’t perfect, but I was giving it my best. At 23, I was hit with a super rare cancer-synovial sarcoma-in my leg. This type doesn’t respond to radiation or chemo; the only options were cutting out the tumor or amputating my leg. I went for removing the tumor. Two weeks before the surgery, my mom and I went for Umrah, and I poured my heart out in dua, begging for a solution that didn’t end in losing my leg. But the tumor removal surgery went badly wrong, and the cancer spread all through my leg. The only way out was amputation, at just 24. Now I’m struggling hard with trusting my duas and prayers. I’ve lost that trust, and it stings so deeply. I still pray sometimes, but it feels hollow, and I go days without praying. My parents keep saying it’s a test from Allah, but that doesn’t comfort me. They say everyone gets tested, but why are some tests so much harder? I prayed, I cried, I made so much dua for the surgery to go well-and it didn’t. So what’s the point of praying and making dua if what’s written just happens anyway? And please don’t tell me it was for the best. I want to go back to how I used to be-full of hope, trusting that my prayers are heard. It’s been a year since the amputation, and I’m dealing with so many complications at the surgery site, travelling between states and countries to find a doctor who can explain why my incision is still open after 11 months. It feels like I’ve done something terribly wrong and I’m being punished. Please, I need guidance, but not the usual lines like ‘Allah tests those He loves’ or ‘something better is coming.’ I just can’t see or feel those right now.