Sometimes you look around and think, 'Why can't my life be like theirs?'
Assalamu alaikum, this isn't a complaint session, I promise. And I'm not upset at Allah SWT in any way-I'm just feeling really weighed down at this point, like I'm close to throwing in the towel on everything. I came into the world as a fourth child when my parents weren't really hoping for more. Our home was broken, with a father who wasn't present and a mother who was overworked and struggling with her health. On top of that, I have ADHD, and I'm pretty sure I'm also on the autism spectrum, which has made connecting with people since I was young really tough. My own family drifted away from me. They moved to another country and left me with my grandmother, who wasn't the warmest. From 13, I ended up staying with different relatives, never having a real place to call mine. Alhamdulillah, after 15 really hard years, I found my home when I met my husband. We built a beautiful life together, but to give our child a better future, I had to leave him behind in another country after I got pregnant. Now, I'm back staying with relatives, and they're not exactly welcoming. It stings even more because I thought once I got married, I'd never have to worry about having a stable, loving home again, yet here I am, almost 13 all over again. When I see sisters around me, their fathers dote on them, their families are always there, marriage and children came easily, and their husbands cherish them. They seem to live a life completely opposite to mine, and I can't help but feel a bit let down by my own journey. Sure, I have opportunities to secure a good future for my child that they might not, but they aren't facing the daily struggles I am. I keep asking, 'Why couldn't I have a normal family? Why was it so hard for my husband and me to marry when it looked effortless for others? Why was my pregnancy such a lonely experience, staying where I wasn't truly wanted?' Part of me feels unappreciative, but I just can't shake comparing my story to all the blessed sisters around me. Could anyone share how to step out of this mindset?