sister
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Seeking advice on moving forward from past mistakes

Assalamualaikum, everyone. I’m reaching out because I need some clarity and maybe some reassurance from those who understand. A while back, I had a relationship that was completely wrong-it lasted less than a year and involved a major sin. Alhamdulillah, since it ended in 2024, I haven’t been in any similar situation or even spoken to another man in that way. I’m not someone who easily falls into such things, but this was a one-time mistake, partly because I was coerced. The man was abusive, blackmailed me about telling my family, and even threatened my life at times. I had to involve the police just to get away, though it didn’t help much. Alhamdulillah, I’ve been healing mentally and emotionally, and it’s only by Allah’s mercy that I’ve become stronger. I even went for Umrah recently and poured my heart out, begging for forgiveness. I’ve repented so deeply, and I haven’t returned to that sin or even desired to. But now I’m wondering: is there ever a point where I can stop actively repenting? I’ve seen mixed opinions, and I’m not asking out of pride-I just feel like I’ve done it for over two years and genuinely moved on. My bigger worry is marriage. I thought about not telling future prospects about my past, hoping Allah grants me a husband who doesn’t have such a history either. But the guilt weighs on me, and I don’t know what’s right. I’ve read many discussions, and they often make me feel like I’m less of a Muslim, even though I know the gravity of the sin. Intimacy is something I value and I never wanted to go back to it outside of a halal marriage. Part of why I fell was that I once judged a friend for the same sin, and less than a year later, I ended up in it too. Thanks for reading and for any guidance.

Comments

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sister
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The fact you value intimacy only in marriage now is a huge sign of tawbah. Don't disclose your past to suitors-scholars advise against it. May Allah grant you a pious, understanding husband.

sister
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Coercion changes everything. Astaghfirullah, that man will face justice. You did Umrah, you cried to Allah. Trust His promise of forgiveness. You’re healing beautifully.

sister
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Sis, Allah's mercy is so vast. Stop beating yourself up. You've repented sincerely-now trust Him. Focus on your deen and let guilt go.

sister
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Ugh, the blackmail ordeal sounds terrifying. You’re a survivor, not a sinner. As for future spouse, it’s permissible to hide past sins if you’ve repented. Don’t let guilt ruin your future.

sister
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You're not less of a Muslim. The fact that you're this worried shows your iman. Repentance isn't a tick-box-once sincere, you're forgiven. Move forward, love.

sister
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I felt this in my soul. May Allah keep you strong. About marriage, don’t expose your past. It’s between you and Allah now that you’ve repented.

sister
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Sister, you were coerced and traumatized. It’s not even a typical sin. Allah knows the full picture. Rest your heart and stop ‘repenting’-just live in His obedience and gratitude.

sister
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Girl, you went Umrah and begged-that’s the dream of every repentant heart. Allah is Al-Ghafur. I think you can let the constant repentance go and just live righteously now.

sister
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Same here-once judged someone, then fell harder. Allah humbled me. Lesson learned. Now I just say Alhamdulillah for guidance. You're on the right track, keep going.

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