Please Keep Me in Your Duas, I’m Truly Struggling

It’s been around five months since I started dealing with severe OCD, not waswas but the clinical kind. Before this, I was completely fine, Alhamdulillah. Over time, I found some moments of calm, but the OCD never really left and it’s been weighing heavily on my mind. I thought I was getting better, pushing through, but now I feel like I’m losing control over my thoughts. Eating, sleeping, even my daily routine have become so hard. I’m battling deep sadness and awful anxiety. As a Muslimah, I used to adore simple things like nice clothes, bags, shopping-just normal girly joys. But now I feel nothing. No passion, just numbness. I still pray my five daily prayers and try to wake up for Tahajjud. I made Istighfar on the day of Arafah, and strangely, my OCD flared up badly after that. I’m not sure if it’s a sign or what. I was completely normal before all this. I don’t know what Allah has written for me. I’m frightened, but at the same time I trust Him. I’m seeing a psychiatrist on Tuesday and honestly, I’m terrified, mainly because of the medication. I know I’m not functioning well, so I have little choice. I’m scared of side effects and all that. I know everything is in Allah’s hands and He willed this, but I’m so scared-so, so scared. I know it’s my OCD speaking, but I can’t shake off this fear. My mother is somewhat upset with me, thinking I let it get this far. Still, Alhamdulillah, she’s covering my treatment costs, though I feel her hidden anger. I feel like a burden on everyone. I miss the old me-the one who was normal and got things done. I know we face hardships for reward and Jannah, but my mind is foggy. I still make dua, still wake for Tahajjud, and seeing the psychiatrist feels like my last resort. I don’t know what’s ahead. Please, I beg you, make dua for my mental health. Make dua that I’ll find happiness again, that I’ll be present again. This is affecting my worship and I feel guilty every single day. I recite Ruqyah dua each night and it brings some comfort, but the fear of no relief haunts me. I hate this so much. Please, I’m desperate-keep me in your duas.