my heart is feeling so heavy

I know Allah always knows what's best for us, especially with family, but honestly, I'm just exhausted. My mom has never shown me love, even when I was little, and it's my brother who gets all her affection. I keep trying to be patient and respectful, but it only makes things worse. Living with someone who's so self-centered and emotionally all over the place is just awful. I find myself crying a lot, asking Allah why He gave me a mother like this, and why she even had kids. Every time I see a mother and daughter getting along so well, or hear girls talking about how close they are with their moms, I can't help but feel jealous and wonder why that can't be me. What did I do to deserve this? Right now, we're not speaking even though we live in the same house, and this happens all the time-we argue at least twice a month, and it's slowly wearing me down. I'm so tired of trying to be patient. I'd forgive her in a heartbeat if she ever apologized for all the hurt, but she's too proud and stuck in her ways, always saying kids should apologize no matter what just because she's the parent. I've made so much du'a for her to change, to start praying and draw closer to Allah, and for her heart to soften, but nothing seems to help. Writing this, I'm just crying my eyes out.