When Life Feels Too Heavy to Bear

Assalamu alaikum. I'm just so drained by this world sometimes, and I really need to reach out because I feel like things are only getting harder. Dealing with a chronic condition that started from mental health struggles but now affects my body too has been overwhelming. I worry about finding a stable job after I finish school-honestly, even getting through my exams as a senior feels impossible right now, and I'm supposed to graduate soon. I've had to let go of dreams that used to keep me going and made me strong enough to be among the top students in my class. I know my faith isn't as strong as it should be, and I feel like I've let down Allah and everyone around me by giving up on a life that once felt full of hope. If it weren't for that realization, I wouldn't even be sharing this. Keeping up with my fard prayers is a real struggle for me. I come from a good Muslim family with loving parents, but my emotional sensitivity has led to hospital visits that left me even more traumatized and worse off. I truly need help, because thoughts of ending my life have become constant. I hate every part of existing-breathing, eating, crying, feeling-it all feels unbearable. I know I'm taking for granted blessings others pray for, and I'm aware of those suffering far more, like hungry children or people without homes or family. But wallahi, I feel completely lost and don't know what to do. I've even turned to substances, which is totally unlike me, and I don't recognize the person I've become. I understand there might be judgment, but I believe to fix my life, I first need to heal my iman and my relationship with Allah.