My father’s cruel behavior because I won’t marry his nephew or obey his every command

Assalamu alaikum. I’m a 29-year-old woman using a throwaway account, and I just need to vent or maybe get some advice. I’m not even sure where to turn. About five years ago, I received several job offers from the UK. I was really excited about one and kept my parents informed throughout the application. My father agreed I could go, but on one condition: I had to marry his nephew-his sister’s son. Growing up, I had a feeling this might be expected, since my father’s side of the family strongly practices cousin marriages. My mother isn’t his cousin, and her family is more forward-thinking and actually focuses on Islamic teachings rather than cultural traditions. I’ve always been very open about how opposed I am to this. We’re of Pakistani origin, but I was born and raised abroad, attended an international school, and my mother also felt his demand was unreasonable given our upbringing. When I respectfully declined, he became furious, called me horrible names-like a kafir-and swore at me. He manipulated me emotionally, bringing up our financial struggles to pressure me. I left anyway, trying to keep my distance because I was so hurt, but my mother pushed me to maintain some contact and mend things. I should mention he has always treated my mother terribly-emotionally, financially, and even physically at one point. She has endured so much and struggles with mental health, never really having a life of her own. Two years ago, he brought up the cousin again, claiming my aunt had asked for my hand. Apparently, my cousin had been refusing the whole year, but she went ahead anyway. When my brother and I told our father this, he said he’d fly to the UK to handle this “delicate matter” to avoid ruining relationships. I felt some hope, but instead, he secretly agreed to the proposal without my knowledge-my cousin lied and said yes in front of everyone, knowing I would refuse, so I got blamed. I was devastated and this time I admit I lost my temper. He kept begging me to accept, which was both heartbreaking and shocking. When he returned home, he said vile things about me to my mother and youngest brother-things I can’t even repeat. I became completely numb, going from deeply emotional to feeling nothing. Recently, I got engaged to someone else. My father initially approved, but after visiting or talking to his sister, he started insulting my fiancé. He hasn’t told anyone in our family about the engagement and forbids us from doing so, because he needs to manage the news with his sister. I wanted a small wedding in the UK, where my fiancé lives, and his family agrees. But my father insists on having it back in our home country, in a village far from the city, so he can show his community he’s in control. He’s inviting hundreds of people, including distant relatives, but my friends and my mother’s relatives won’t be there. When he visited and discussed this, the conversation went until 2 a.m. He was cruel, his eyes full of hatred, and despite my respectful efforts to understand him, he accused me of emotional blackmail and said many hurtful things. After he left, I learned he said things like, “I’ll cut her off after she marries and never speak to her again,” and “Birthing her was the biggest mistake.” He also lies to his sister, saying I don’t support the family or give money-though I do. I don’t understand how a parent can speak about their own child this way. I tried to compromise for a wedding that would make us all happy, but now I’ve given up. I don’t want any relationship with him moving forward; I want to block him everywhere. I’m exhausted and numb from years of this pain. I know he’s a product of his environment, but I’ve lost hope he’ll change. I still have to deal with that aunt and her family, and I hate it. I’m so upset that I’m sacrificing one of the most important days of my life because of him. And even when I give in to his wishes, he continues to say awful things. He once said, “There is Allah above, and on earth fathers are like gods.” My mother understands my feelings but reminds me he’s still my father. I have so much anger and resentment, and it’s hard to admit, but I’m just so tired and done. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. Please make dua for me.