Living with an Ocean Between Us: My Heart's Heavy Burden

As-salamu alaykum, everyone. I don't really have anyone to share this with, so I'm opening up here. It's been a decade, and the weight of it all is becoming more than I can carry. Please handle my feelings with care. I got married when I was 20. I had my child in a home that never truly felt like my own-no privacy, no say, barely any room to even be a mother. My in-laws would even take my baby from their room while I was asleep. In that crowded house, my own little one never learned to call me 'Mama' because I was just another face among many. All along, my husband had his heart set on someone else, and he remarried her not long after we split. By the third year, I was fading away-losing weight, looking exhausted, growing quieter-and everyone noticed. My parents offered me a place at one of their properties for some space, but he refused and asked for a divorce instead. Back with my parents, my child finally said 'Mama' for the first time. I was 24, and soon after, I got my first court order letting my ex gradually take my child away. In 2020, the economy in my country fell apart. I couldn't find work. My siblings saw me struggling and brought me to the U.S. for a fresh start and a chance to rebuild. I left my child with my mom, thinking I'd return. While I was gone, my ex moved them to another continent. Now I'm still here, finishing my PhD, and the guilt is something I can't put into words. I'm just so tired. Tired of the distance, the quiet, the negative things they tell my child about me. I don't know how to be a good mother from across the ocean, or how to fix what years apart and others' words have broken. But I've never stopped wanting to. Lately, my ex has been refusing to let me see my child-it's been three years now. Please make du'a for me; I feel lost and unsure what to do. Any advice would be deeply appreciated. Jazakum Allahu khayran.