If You Have a Moment - Sharing Where I'm At, With a Question

Assalamu alaikum. Just putting this out there to express how I'm feeling and maybe get it off my chest. I can’t watch anime (it sometimes has music or content that’s not appropriate), play video games (they often include music or feel like wasted time), or listen to music because I believe it’s not permissible. I avoid social media too - too much exposure to immodesty, showing off, and falsehood. Lately it feels like there’s almost no halal entertainment left for me. I can’t really join outdoor sports because I don’t have friends nearby, and my work hours are 11 to 8. Going out often upsets me when I witness sins and immoral behavior. On top of that, I struggle with communication and feel I have very little empathy for others. I’ve been like this since childhood - I don’t easily feel pity or love for people outside my family. I’ve never had a wife or even a proper relationship; once in university I had a female friend but I ended it because it wasn’t right. I have no interest in pursuing women now, so marriage feels impossible. Even if I wanted it, I doubt any woman could live comfortably in my household. There are real psychological issues at home that make life unstable - sudden anger, deep depressive episodes, unpredictable outbursts. My parents are good people, but the environment is tense and you never know what might happen. They worry a lot about money. We’re managing, but we don’t own a home or a car. I don’t really desire those things anyway - they feel like burdens to work for, especially as the fourth child with responsibilities toward siblings. Because of all this I keep to myself. I try not to speak harshly to family, since we’re commanded not to hurt others. I also avoid meeting friends because their conversations are full of sins, crude jokes, and idle laughter; if I object, I become the odd one out. When I tell people my problem they say "go to an Islamic gathering," but then who will provide for my family? I’m not asking for an easy life. Right now, faith feels like holding burning coals in my hand - heavy and painful. Still, I won’t run away; I want to remain steadfast for Allah alone. But sometimes - at times - my chest feels unbearably heavy and I can’t explain why. Has anyone else felt this deep weight while trying to live sincerely? JazakAllahu khair for reading.