Healing After a Lost Love: A Muslimah’s Journey

Bismillah… I need to get this off my chest. I was emotionally tied to a man for four years, though we were never married-just a haram connection I fell into. We weren’t officially together, but we only had eyes for each other. He called me his soulmate, and I felt the same. I’m Muslim; he wasn’t. That was my test right there. I kept hoping he’d embrace Islam, since he believed in Allah. But deep down, I knew that was a shaky foundation. He was secretive too-I’d sometimes check his accounts and see his follow list shifting, but I stayed silent. Earlier this year, I started doubting his feelings. He’d give compliments, but never said things like ‘I want to build a life with you,’ which my heart longed to hear. When Ramadan came, he fasted, and I made constant dua: ‘Ya Allah, if he’s good for my deen and dunya, bring us together in a halal way; if not, grant me someone better.’ Every Ramadan, he was still there, so I thought maybe he was written for me. But as red flags appeared, I mentally prepared for it to end. We promised to be honest if we ever developed feelings for others. He broke that promise-just days ago, I saw him follow another sister on three platforms. When I asked, he apologized and wanted to stay friends, but then removed me entirely. My body reacted violently; I was sick to my stomach. How could he move on so fast while I was blindsided? I saw it coming, yet the pain is heavy. I imagined my entire future with him. I know it was haram, but I truly believed Allah would turn it into something blessed. Four years, gone. Sleep escapes me-I wake up in the night and he’s the first thought. My heart physically aches, a sharp, heavy pang. In sujood, I beg Allah to lift this weight, and for a while I feel peace, but then the sadness rushes back. I want to detach, but I poured my soul into this, and he just walked away. How do I move forward? Any advice from a sister who’s been through this?