Grieving a Lost Christian World - As-Salamu Alaikum

As-salamu alaikum. I’m not doubting Islam or losing faith - I know our Isa (peace be upon him) is the true prophet. But I can’t stop grieving the Christian picture of Jesus that I grew up with: a divine figure who became flesh for us, conquered death, and whom people treat as if they can become like God through rituals and call him Father in a literal sense. I recognize how wrong and distorted those beliefs are from an Islamic perspective, and I ask Allah’s forgiveness for any accidental words of shirk I might still slip into out of habit - sometimes I catch myself calling on Mary or blurting out old phrases. May Allah pardon me. I also mourn the fact that my former community is no longer with me. The historical myths I believed about empires and heroes now look different; what I once saw as righteous may have been unjust. I won’t have that old church fellowship again. Icons that I once treated as sacred now feel like things I can’t accept; the saints I admired are no longer a part of my faith, and the customs we kept - even the questionable ones that became normalized - are gone for me. My whole past feels unsettled, and sometimes I miss the comfort of not knowing. But I turn to Allah and seek peace and guidance as I move forward.