Feeling Distant from Allah (SWT) - A Personal Struggle
Assalamualaikum everyone, I'm a 24-year-old Muslim man from India. This might not speak to everyone, but right now I feel so defeated, lost, and even betrayed - not only by people but by Allah (SWT) at times. I'm not blaming Allah (SWT). I know I have committed many sins, knowingly and unknowingly - not just hundreds, maybe lakhs - and I still struggle to control them. With each passing day I feel myself drifting closer to Jahannam and further away from Allah (SWT). I've lost interest in salah, in life, in earning rizq, and in almost everything. I don't feel rizq, happiness, hope, or guidance coming my way. I fear I've lost in this life and in the Akhirah. I sincerely want to turn back to Allah (SWT) and follow the sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW). He did so much for us, and I feel ashamed that I can't meet him. I worry he would be displeased with me. To everyone reading this: please stop committing sins and return to Allah (SWT). He is Most Kind, Most Merciful, Most Loving. I ask forgiveness: I'm sorry Allah (SWT), I'm sorry Prophet Muhammad (SAW) (I love you, may Allah bless him), I'm sorry to my family, and I'm sorry to the entire Muslim Ummah. Please support one another, help the Palestinians, and strive to follow the sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). JazakAllah khair for reading.