Battling Thoughts of Ending It All Every Day

Assalamu alaikum. It’s been 53 long, painful days since I had to give up all rights and duties concerning my beloved son. I was falsely accused of being harsh and unfit, cornered into a situation I never imagined. Since then, I’ve been drowning in thoughts of suicide, constant anxiety, overwhelming sadness, and growing debt from lawyers. Sometimes, leaving this world feels like the only escape. But I keep placing my trust in Allah. I stand firm before Him, ready to accept His decree. I’ll stay patient-for my Lord, my wife, my son, my parents, my family, and my friends. Losing my son so suddenly? It’s like having your legs severed. My spirit, my mind, my heart feel both unbearably heavy and completely hollow at the same time. If I don’t make it through this, please remember I tried my hardest. Depression is an illness-it’s real, no one pretends. How I wish it weren’t so real.