As-salamu alaykum - Feeling trapped like a bird

As-salamu alaykum. Every day I pick myself up over and over. I try so hard - with school, my deen, fitness, health, and my ties to family. I do my best and yet I still feel so low. I truly am trying, but sometimes I don’t want to keep going; I’ve had thoughts like I wish I could just die, and I’m only 19. I feel stuck - my home, my family, this small town - it’s driving me mad. Sometimes I drive and I just break down crying because I wish I could go far away and see new places, some beautiful nature, and feel alive for once. I don’t feel alive at all and I can’t explain it well. I love my family even though they’ve hurt and abused me; I forgive them and treat everyone kindly, I help people and put on a brave face, but inside I’m not okay. I tried to open up years ago about being suicidal and my family said I was only seeking attention. Even if I had someone to talk to now, talking actually makes me feel worse. Wallah, all I want is to be okay and to stop feeling like this. Reading Quran and holding on to my deen helps sometimes, but the heaviness and pain remain. There was once when I went abroad as an exchange student for a month and I finally felt free - like the cage was open. I don’t know what to do now. If anyone has any advice, duas, or practical steps I can try to feel less trapped or to find help that understands a Muslim perspective, I’d really appreciate it. And please, if you’re reading this and also struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted person or a professional - you matter and you’re not alone.