A Plea for Mercy and Guidance in My Darkest Hour

As-salamu alaykum, dear brothers and sisters. I'm reaching out with a heart weighed down by regret and sorrow. As a Muslim woman, raised with faith, I find myself in a place I never imagined: I've strayed far from my deen. Over the years, I've committed serious sins, including abandoning my prayers, neglecting Ramadan, and falling into haram actions that I deeply regret. For the last six months, this has plunged me into a deep depression. The guilt is so heavy that I've even harmed myself, overwhelmed by self-hatred for the wrongs I've done. Recently, I've been haunted by dreams where I take my own life, and I wake up wishing I hadn't. Each morning feels unbearable, and I spend my days crying, asking Allah how I could have been so weak and betrayed the precious faith I hold dear. I feel like I've failed Islam, failed Allah, and failed myself. The thought of living with these sins feels impossible, and I don't know how to move forward or find peace again. I just don't want to be alive anymore, and I'm desperately seeking a way out of this darkness.