A Personal Confession - Please Keep Me in Your Dua
As-salamu alaykum. I need to be honest because I feel stuck and I want to admit this to myself and to others. Not long ago I started a talking stage with a man. It began innocently-he praised me, made me feel noticed and special in ways I hadn’t felt before. I was lonely, and that attention felt like a lifeline. I began to feel like a girl again. I bought new clothes and even put on eyeliner. It felt like my feminine side was coming back, like his kind words were soothing the hurt little girl inside me. But things soon turned sexual. And just like that I felt broken again. My heart aches and I blame myself. I was foolish to think any man truly valued me. I never sent explicit photos, but I let the conversation go that way. I made excuses for him, telling myself it was just his nature. I tried to tell myself it was harmless, but deep down I know this isn’t what I want. The truth is I care for him, but I don’t see a future with him. He won’t marry me, yet he manipulates me and keeps me hooked because he knows I’m lonely. I’ve cried to Allah and made dua: please Allah, don’t let another man hurt me again. Still, I feel like my prayers aren’t answered because I keep falling into the same patterns. I’ve faced abuse for much of my life, and my father made it clear he never saw me as precious or valuable-he called me fat and sexualized me as a teen. I feel ashamed, depressed, and trapped in a cycle I don’t know how to break. But I also want to say that the feelings that led me here-wanting to be seen, appreciated, loved-are human, and it’s okay to admit that. I’m learning, slowly, to set boundaries and look after myself, and I hope sharing this is a reminder that it’s never too late to reclaim your dignity. Please make dua for all women going through this. May Allah be the wali and protector for the innocent women out there.