A Brother's Advice: Think Twice About Marriage Platforms

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I wanted to share my thoughts and some of the frustration I've felt with those marriage-finding apps out there. First off, I don't doubt the good intentions of the creators-maybe they faced the same struggles we do in finding a spouse. But as a Muslim brother, from my experience, these apps just don't lead anywhere. They waste your time, hurt your self-esteem, and can even make you resentful. Allah knows best. I remember when I first heard about them. I was naive enough to think they might actually work. I gave them a try, and now I wish I hadn't. I foolishly imagined it might be a quick fix-like finding a righteous wife in a couple of days. But I soon realized you'd have better odds winning the lottery. Some people might get lucky, sure, but that doesn't change how useless these platforms are. I joined one about three years ago after hearing some positive comments, even from scholars. I thought, why not? But once I started, I saw how mistaken I was. I was just looking for a religious, educated sister near me, a bit younger-looks weren't a big deal. Yet, the likes I sent got ignored or rejected every time. As an African Muslim, I reached out to sisters from all backgrounds: Arab, South Asian, East Asian, African, European, American-you name it. Different ages, education levels, body types. Almost everyone. Maybe someone's thinking, 'Is this brother unattractive?' No shame in how Allah creates us, but alhamdulillah, I look normal. I did get a few likes back, but whenever I messaged, silence. It started to feel like some sisters were just testing their appeal. For a while, I blamed myself, then I wondered if it was the app, so I tried another. Same result. I also noticed many sisters have super high expectations-wanting a businessman, doctor, or someone rich-standards most brothers probably can't meet. Some have been on these apps for five years or more, even though they're average or beautiful. Marriage today is tough, maybe it always was-Allah knows best. It's especially hard for a practicing Muslim trying to avoid haram. But sabr is key. The Prophet ﷺ said: 'Hellfire is surrounded by desires, and Paradise is surrounded by hardships.' My advice? Steer clear of these apps. Even if you stay single, you'll keep your dignity and confidence. Use them, and you likely won't find a wife, just lose your self-esteem. May Allah make it easy for us all.