Why the double standards, ya jama'ah?

As-salamu alaykum everyone, I’m a convert and I’m honestly struggling to find emotionally mature Muslims who are serious about nikah. I lead an active life - I study, travel, have hobbies, and have a wide social circle. I’m just a 23-year-old student, not in politics or entertainment professionally, but I move in different environments and know people from many walks of life. For some reason that seems to be off-putting to a lot of men. I also enjoy nice things in this dunya and don’t see that as inherently wrong. My openness, social nature, and independence often get read negatively, like because a woman has a broad network she’s automatically a “risk.” I’m not looking to be hidden, controlled, or made smaller so someone else feels comfortable. At the same time I’m intentional, grounded, and I value stability, deen, and personal responsibility. I’m not trying to marry just for the sake of marriage. I want a partnership where both spouses feel secure enough to let the other be themselves and grow together. Matrimonial apps and matchmaking people have been frustrating, mosque spaces haven’t been great for me (I have horror stories I doubt anyone would believe), and many online chats reveal unresolved personal issues I can’t take on. What I really don’t get is how the men who try to lecture or control me are often the same ones who brag about past relationships or conquests. Meanwhile I’ve kept myself, try to stick to my deen, and wear my hijab - so where does anyone get the right to police my life? For other converts or people who’ve faced this: where did you meet your spouse, or where would you recommend looking if you don’t want to have to shrink yourself to be chosen? I’d appreciate honest advice or personal experiences. Jazākumullāh khayr.