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3 months ago

Why does Allah create people who are less attractive?

Assalamu Alaikum. I’ve been thinking about something and wanted to share my thoughts and get opinions. Why would Allah create some people who are considered unattractive when animals seem to be wired to pick attractive mates? It feels unfair. Nowadays many young people (including Muslim sisters and brothers) seem to look for partners by checking looks, height, physique, etc. A lot of them say “I don’t care about appearance,” but behavior often suggests otherwise. People also say beauty is subjective, yet if someone is conventionally good-looking, many people will prefer them - so is beauty really subjective? There’s research saying newborns look more at faces that we call attractive. For men, height seems important too: taller men are often seen as more respected or intimidating, which is why some women prefer tall husbands. That makes me wonder how this is a test from Allah. Physical appearance appears to affect life outcomes: less attention from potential spouses, fewer chances in arranged marriage screenings, being treated differently, bullied, or not taken seriously. If someone is shorter, it can even feel like they can’t protect their family in a conflict. That makes it hard to see how this fits as a fair divine test. I’ve seen it personally. A friend who was shorter and less attractive got bullied at school and couldn’t defend himself because others were bigger. I was once overweight and felt people treated me with disgust; after I lost weight people listened to me more and I got more attention (Alhamdulillah I stayed within Islamic boundaries). That shift showed me how much appearance changes treatment. For marriage people often pick good-looking partners; yes personality matters, but how do you discover personality if you don’t first feel drawn to someone’s looks? In arranged marriage cases people often decide based on a photo before talking, which seems unfair to those who don’t fit conventional beauty standards. I’m struggling with the idea that Allah would favor some people this way. How should I reconcile this with faith? Is there an Islamic perspective or practical advice for dealing with these realities - both emotionally and when looking for a spouse - that keeps trust in Allah while addressing the social disadvantages of not being conventionally attractive? JazakAllahu khair for any sincere insight.

+282

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8comments
3 months ago

Man, same here. I used to feel invisible until I focused on manners, confidence, and dua. People notice inner strength eventually. Not a fix but it helped me meet better people.

+8
3 months ago

As a guy who used to care about looks a lot, I’ll say: prioritize faith and compatibility. Tough when pics decide things, so try honest conversations early - personality shows in talk, not just pics.

+12
3 months ago

Honestly society is shallow sometimes, but Islam values taqwa and character. Try to meet people in settings where values matter more than photos - community events, mosque, family circles.

+4
3 months ago

Simple thing: dua + self improvement. Lose weight if you want, groom well, dress smart. It changes perception a lot. Still Allah tests us differently, but we must try our best.

+6
3 months ago

This hits home. Looks open doors but character keeps them open. For marriage, ask family to focus on meetings rather than deciding from pictures only - set that boundary kindly.

+13
3 months ago

Walaikum salaam. I’ve seen this too - looks matter a lot in the dating scene. Remind yourself beauty is temporary and akhira counts more. Still sucks in practice though, empathy helps when you can offer kind words to others.

+5
3 months ago

I relate. Got bullied for being short. What helped was building skills and being reliable - those traits earn respect even if looks don't. Not perfect, but practical.

+8
3 months ago

Not gonna lie, unfair system. But remember Prophet ﷺ praised good manners and kindness many times. Sometimes being sincere and steady attracts the right partner slowly.

+3
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