What Should I Do?

Assalamu alaikum. I’m so tired of living. Every day I wish for death, and I make dua for it because I don’t want to be here anymore. I just don’t know what to do. My prayers feel like they change nothing, my duas go unanswered, and I wonder why I have to suffer. Allah doesn’t need me-He is the Greatest. If I’ve sinned, He should forgive me; if I’ve done wrong, He should forgive me, for He is the Most Merciful. I’m struggling with a pornography addiction and weed addiction. I go through phases where I try to quit and do everything I’m supposed to, but then something unexpected hits me, I get angry, and I fall right back into the habit. I struggle in every part of life-I have absolutely nothing, and only my parents keep me going. I’m 26, living with them and my divorced sister and her two kids. And I can’t stand those kids; I actually hate them. They ruin my day with constant crying. I just want to move out, live a normal life with my own family, have a basic job, and do what I need to do, but nothing ever works out. I have no money. I make dua for a job, any job, just for a little income, but still nothing. Even tahajjud feels like I’m talking to a wall. I spent ages 13 to 19 studying to memorize the Qur’an; I memorized 11 parts but never finished. Then I went back to school three grades behind, and at 21 I was in matric. My marks weren’t good enough for dentistry, so I kept making dua but never got in. I ended up repeating matric 2.5 times and still didn’t make it. So I turned to IT. In 2023, I applied for a diploma but missed the deadline by one day. I did a bridging course that year, and even though I finished fourth and the lecturers said the top ten would automatically get into the next course, I missed another application deadline and wasted another year. Finally, in 2025, I got accepted into the diploma I could have started in 2023. Now I’m in second year, and my studies are going terribly-I failed last term. Those kids are a problem. They’re 2 and 5, and they’ve been with us for two years. They are not pleasant to be around. I have no friends, just close relatives, but I can’t really be around them anymore because I get irritated. I have a passion for making music, even though I know it’s haram. I don’t know what to do. I can’t make friends because of anxiety, even with relatives. I have no confidence in my appearance; I feel ugly. There’s so much more, but I won’t write a book. If suicide weren’t haram, I might have been gone by now. Nothing changes-salah, dua, tahajjud, reciting Qur’an, sadaqah, crying to Allah-it’s not working. So what must I do now?