It's 4am. I've stumbled and I truly want to turn back.

Assalamu alaikum. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this out. For a while, I really felt connected to Allah. I was praying on time, going to the masjid, making heartfelt duas, and for the first time in years, I had this calm in my heart. I wasn't flawless, but I truly sensed Allah's guidance. Then life got heavy again, and I slowly stopped praying, pulled away from everyone, and the loneliness hit me hard. Instead of running to Allah, I fell back into old sins I thought I'd overcome, and the scariest part is that I hardly feel anything now. At first, there was regret. Now I'm just numb. I keep doing wrong, and my attitude has become, "I believe in Allah, but I'm going to sin anyway." I know that's a serious thing, but I feel like my soul is tainted, like my heart is sealed. I still have iman, but the closeness is gone. I keep wondering if I've messed up too much or if my heart has turned to stone. The isolation has really taken over. Watching others with strong friendships and support while I have nobody has hurt more than I ever let on. I felt so alone, I even had thoughts of ending things. I know this might sound over the top, but I genuinely miss the person I was when I kept up my prayers. I miss the peace. I miss the hope. And I desperately want to change. I'm writing this now, but deep down I'm scared that tomorrow I'll wake up and be the same. But I really want to be different. So please, someone, guide me. I don't need simple advice like "just start praying." I want to feel Allah's love again. The light on my face is gone, I never smile, I'm always irritable-I'm lost. I try to talk to friends, but I don't really have anyone I can open up to. There's no one I can share this with. And I truly, truly want to change. So please, help me. Tell me how to break free from the rope that keeps dragging me back to the dunya.