What I wish I'd known at 18 about sincere intentions and heartbreak - assalamu alaikum

Assalamu alaikum - sharing this as a reminder to anyone who needs it, not to expose my past. I hope it helps young Muslim sisters (and brothers) who might not realize how easily boundaries can blur and how much it hurts when they do. When I was 17 I wanted to feel accepted, so I stayed in a friend group I knew wasn't good for me. I got too comfortable hearing about haram relationships and eventually even asked to be introduced to a guy. I didn't guard my tongue or my actions back then, and I lost close friends because of it. That loss pushed me to reflect, repent, and start wearing hijab seriously. Loneliness pulled me back into talking to guys. I convinced myself I'd be “careful” and that marriage was the only goal. At 18 I met a guy who seemed serious about deen. He spoke like he cared, even told me he'd mentioned me to his parents, which made me feel safe. Slowly things slipped. Texting became emotional attachment and conversations that shouldn't have happened. Every time I felt uncomfortable and spoke up, he'd apologize and I stayed. When university started we began meeting in person. I tried to maintain limits, but they were pushed again and again. Sometimes I stood firm, other times I didn't. Deep down I knew it had no future, but I felt stuck. Then he ended it and blamed the “haram” as if he wasn't part of it. It hit me hard that I'd ignored Allah's commands for someone who could walk away so easily. My parents found out after the breakup; it was humiliating, but it was the turning point I needed. I started therapy and worked on my relationship with Allah. Recently I learned I have a class with his sister next semester. A while ago that would have broken me, but now I feel stronger and more confident. I still get a little worried, but I'm not the same person. To anyone in a relationship like this now: please don't seek validation through haram. If someone is serious about a halal future, they won't push your boundaries or test your fear of Allah. One sin makes the next one easier until you're lost. My main advice: don't fall for the “he's different” trap just because he knows Islamic words. If he uses deen to justify why you two are “special” enough to bend the rules, he's manipulating the religion, not following it. A double life drains your soul and makes you feel like a hypocrite every time you put on your hijab. I had to stop blaming the situation and take responsibility for my choices. True repentance is more than saying sorry - it means realizing that to avoid sin you must remove yourself from the path that leads to it. You can't play with fire and expect not to get burned. Don't accept the “marriage” promise as an excuse to cross lines; if he were serious, he'd protect your iman, not risk it. Listen to that knot in your stomach the first time you feel it. What Allah has written for you won't miss you, so don't rush it through haram ways. For anyone dealing with the aftermath: the hardest part is facing yourself. You might need to go cold turkey to heal. Stop checking their socials and stop replaying “what ifs” - it only hurts. Connect with Allah through small things: sit on your prayer mat a few extra minutes, make dua in your own words. Find a hobby or goal that has nothing to do with relationships - it helped me rebuild my identity. You'll have good days and bad days, but one bad day doesn't erase progress. Forgive your younger self for being human, and promise your future self you'll never settle for a secret relationship again. True peace comes when you stop seeking validation from people and start seeking it from the One who never leaves you. Protect your heart and your iman. Please keep me in your duas. Advice is welcome, but please no hate or shaming.