Struggling with wearing the niqab
As-salamu alaykum. Ever since I was 8 I wore an abaya and hijab, and in 2025 I started wearing the niqab. Back then I genuinely wanted to wear them - I thought it was cool and adults praised me for being a good kid. But since 2022 my parents pressured me to wear the niqab. I kept refusing, so they made me wear a mask at home. We live in Saudi Arabia, so that’s the context. Whenever I took the mask off, my dad would punish me - slapping my arm or pinching my sides. He would get angry even if I took it off to eat or to breathe. All of that made me resent the niqab. A few months ago my mom told me my dad wanted me to wear the niqab. I said no, and she kept saying it wasn’t that bad and that because I’m tall and mature I should wear it or else something bad might happen. We argued until my dad came down and told me to put it on. They weren’t shouting or forcing me openly; it felt more like pressure. They’d say things like “it’s your choice,” but when I refused they’d keep persuading me. I gave in and agreed to try it for one day. When we went out my dad kept saying how beautiful I looked with it - it made me feel sick. Since then I’ve been wearing the niqab and I hate it. I feel so clearly young, not like a grown woman. I’ve thought about sneaking out without it and just wearing normal clothes, but I’m scared. At school most girls wear at most a hijab; I’m the only one with a niqab and people stare like I’m strange. I also get asked “were you forced to wear it?” and I say no because I don’t want others to think badly about the niqab or hijab. I’m not against them in general - I just don’t like wearing it. I’m afraid to tell my mom how I really feel because she might say I lack iman. But I do believe - I struggle with prayer sometimes, but I’m Muslim and trying my best. Should I tell her? She kind of already knows; I once broke down in a mall abroad because every teen girl looked so happy wearing what she wanted while I felt trapped. My parents know I wished I were born a boy, and they reply with things like “you’re like an expensive pearl we must protect; the hijab helps you,” but that just makes me feel worse. I know hijab can be helpful for some, but it doesn’t help me. Is it wrong to feel this way? How can I talk to my parents about it without them thinking my faith is weak? JazakAllah khair for any advice.