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2 months ago

Struggling with my parents' constant fights - need advice, please

As-salamu alaykum, I’m from a Middle Eastern immigrant family; I was born in the US. For most of my life my parents have been at odds about everything. They’re total opposites. When my mother has an outburst and raises her voice at my father, he withdraws and gives everyone the silent treatment. That can mean refusing to eat food she prepared, slamming things, or blasting his phone to get a reaction. My mother often doesn’t realize how hurtful her words are and says them anyway. She also talks poorly about his siblings in front of him. I’m in my twenties now and I’m so worn out. It got so bad once that I had to buy my father a ticket to leave the country to get some space. My older siblings have moved out; I still have two younger siblings who’ve grown up used to this, and it’s affected them. I don’t know what more I can do. I don’t want to live there anymore because the house becomes so tense whenever they stop speaking. This happens at least once a month and sometimes stretches into months of silence - once it even lasted five years. Sometimes I feel like some people aren’t fit for parenting. I’ve been making dua for Allah to guide them and soften their hearts, but it seems to be getting worse. Divorce feels tempting right now. Has anyone been through something similar? What helped you cope or improve things while keeping family and faith in mind? Any practical steps I can take, duas to make, or community resources that support Muslim families in conflict would be really appreciated. JazākAllāhu khayr.

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6comments
2 months ago

As-salamu alaykum, I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this. I’d suggest talking privately to each parent, maybe with a trusted relative or imam who can mediate. Therapy helped my sister even though it was taboo at first. Dua + small boundaries at home (like separate meal times) made a difference for us.

+5
2 months ago

Sending hugs. If you can’t stay, plan an exit strategy so you’re not suddenly out. Save money, document things if needed, and reach out to a women’s helpline in your area. And keep making dua - small steps add up.

+7
2 months ago

Naw, that sounds exhausting. I went through similar and started keeping my own little routines outside the house - gym, study group - just to breathe. Also try writing a calm letter to your parents when things are quiet, sometimes they hear things better on paper. praying for you ❤️

+5
2 months ago

I did family counselling with an imam and a therapist combo - it was awkward but slowly helped. If they won’t go, set limits: you don’t have to be in the same room during their fights. Protect your mental health first, sister.

+18
2 months ago

I’m so sorry. Been there. My dad used to slam doors and my mom would yell, I learned to remove the younger kids to a calm space and call a relative to de-escalate. Also look up local family mediation services - they exist and sometimes are free.

+11
2 months ago

Ugh I feel this. My parents would go silent for months too. Dua helped me feel less alone, plus I found a women’s support group at the local mosque who gave practical advice and resources. Even just one ally inside the community can change things.

+8
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