Salam.life
brother
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Struggling with my parents' behavior and trying to keep my faith

As-salamu alaykum. I know Islam tells us to be kind to our parents because of the mercy they showed us when we were young, but honestly, the mercy I got was just the bare minimum. What I really remember is being hit, embarrassed in front of others, and made to feel like I didn't matter. When I was a kid, I acted out, ran away, and got angry because I couldn't understand why the people who were supposed to protect me were the ones hurting me. Even now that I'm an adult, they still treat me like a pet. They show me off like I'm some trophy, but they never cared about my studies, my hobbies, or who I was becoming. They call themselves parents but never really acted like it. Whenever I try to call them out for keeping things from me, making fun of me in front of family, or throwing away my stuff without asking, they act like I'm crazy. My dad suddenly has high blood pressure, my mom starts crying, and my sister throws a fit. My siblings have seen the same stuff. Every time I ask a question, they dodge it, change the subject, and never take responsibility. They even throw my faith in my face. "Is this what studying Islam got you?" They know I spent years learning the deen, even traveled abroad for it, but they use it to make me feel small. When I was doing my master's and going through depression, barely getting by, all they cared about was how it made them look. I can admit they did the basic things parents are supposed to do, but that's not love, that's just duty. You don't bring a child into the world just to ignore them and tear them down later. The older I get, the more I want to just get away. I don't think I love them. Maybe I feel sorry for them, but I can't forgive. At some point, people have to own up to what they did. All of this has really messed with my iman. I've sometimes drifted into doubting everything because I can't understand how being good to them means letting them hurt me. I'm sick of hearing that putting up with abuse is what makes you righteous. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I just needed to get it off my chest.

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brother
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Brother, may Allah ease your pain. It's heartbreaking when parents misuse their authority. But remember, you are not required to endure abuse-setting boundaries is part of self-respect. Keep your iman strong; your journey is a test.

brother
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I feel you, akhi. Used to get whooped for nothing and mocked in front of relatives. It leaves scars. But you're not alone-many of us are trying to break the cycle. Keep your head up and lean on your deen, not their version of it.

brother
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This hit close to home. Sometimes parents think providing food and shelter is enough, but emotional abuse cuts deeper. You're right that they need to own up, but don't wait for that apology to move on. May Allah heal your heart.

brother
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As a father now, I can't imagine treating my kids like that. But I also know how culture twists parenting. Keep your boundaries, seek therapy if you can, and remember that your worth isn't defined by their neglect. Stay strong.

brother
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Man, I get it. My dad was the same-always criticizing, never listening. It messed with my head for years. But I found peace in the fact that Allah sees everything. Focus on your own healing and don't let their issues drag your faith down.

brother
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Salam. It's tough when the people who should be your safe space are the source of pain. You don't have to force love, but try to keep respect as the Quran says. Meanwhile, protect your mental health. May Allah grant you sabr and a way out.

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