Struggling with my hijab and feeling lost - need some sincere advice

Assalamu alaikum, I'm 18F and I've worn the hijab since I was 16. At first it felt like a badge of being a pious woman and it also gave me a bit of protection from the stares I got as a curvy teen in Pakistan, where cultural misuse of religion sometimes hurts women. Over time my iman has grown and I sincerely trust Allah and His plan. I also have ADHD and autism, so prayer and some other religious practices can be difficult for me, but I keep trying because I don't believe in any other way. About my hijab - lately I feel like I might hate it. I'm 90 kg and 5'1, and finding clothes here that fit modestly and flatter curvy, hijabi women is nearly impossible. I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. I asked myself if I just want attention or to look pretty for men, and I'm sure that's not it. I simply don't like the person I see. I used to be confident, but now I feel trapped. My family hasn't helped. They tell me hijab means nothing without prayer and they judge me for wearing it sincerely. They haven't supported me at all, which makes everything harder. I can't find outfits that make me feel comfortable and modest at the same time. I'm exhausted. I know hijab is obligatory and I don't want to disobey, but I also feel like I can't keep going in this environment. I'm thinking of removing it at school in January and then keeping that secret until I can leave for university and be in a safer, more supportive place. I don't know what I want to hear exactly, but I need honest, gentle advice. Please don't just send more links to clothing shops - that would make me cry. Jazakum Allah khair for any real support or duas.