Struggling with my feelings about wearing hijab - looking for sisterly advice
As-salaam alaykum sisters. I’ve been feeling quite torn about my hijab recently and would value any advice or shared experiences. I began wearing hijab around 3–4 years ago. It was my choice back then and I felt very close to my deen. Someone very special to me encouraged me (I used to call them my angel on earth) and that support helped me keep it on consistently. I’m no longer in touch with that person now. Lately my relationship with Allah has changed a lot. I’ve been questioning things, not feeling as close to Allah, not praying regularly, and I don’t have the same motivation to practice that I used to. The idea of reconnecting deeply actually feels a bit scary and I’m not sure why. Despite that, some habits remain. I don’t go to sleep or drive without saying my duas and Ayatul Kursi, I still say Alhamdulillah and Astaghfirullah, and I share duas or reminders with people sometimes. It honestly feels like I’m half in, half out when it comes to practising. On top of this, I’ve been dealing with family problems and personal struggles that have left me feeling depressed, alone, and drained - and I know that affects my iman too. About the hijab: I wear it because I want to. No one in my family or my in-laws’ family wears it, so there’s no pressure from them, and I don’t feel forced. But I also don’t want to take it off. My real struggle is when and where I want to wear it. Sometimes, for quick errands or when I’m going to certain places, I don’t feel like wearing it and will just pull a hoodie over my head. I’m starting a new job soon and I don’t plan to wear hijab there, though I’m happy to wear it in other settings. I think part of this is that since I started wearing hijab I felt like I was representing the deen, and that responsibility made me anxious, self-conscious, and reserved. I worry people feel they can’t approach me, or that I can’t be myself because I’m a hijabi. It’s made social situations harder and added internal pressure. I’m already trying to work on my relationship with Allah in my own way, but I’d love specific advice about the hijab. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you handle it? Is it okay to feel conflicted? JazakAllah khair for reading 🤍