Struggling with my faith and identity - need guidance
Assalamu alaikum. I’m a young woman raised Muslim, and lately I’ve been having a hard time with my faith. Even as a child I wasn’t fully sure about Islam, and over the years I’ve discovered I experience romantic/sexual attraction to women. I’ve never acted on it and have tried to keep it to myself. I’ve always had doubts about religion but was too afraid to think about them deeply because I worried I’d lose the little faith I had. These doubts have gotten stronger recently. I look for answers, read the Quran, pray, fast, go to the mosque and listen to talks, but the unease doesn’t really go away. My family is quite religious, though not abusive or forcing me into extreme things - they didn’t force hijab on me, for example. Outwardly I appear to others as a “good Muslim”: I avoid deliberate sin and try to follow obligations. But inwardly I struggle to feel a real connection with Allah and Islam. Part of me wishes I had firm faith and felt attracted to men, but that’s not how I feel, and it causes a constant inner conflict - it’s like a daily battle with my thoughts and emotions. I know people often say this is a test from Allah, and I believe that might be true, but I’m looking for practical ways to make this period less overwhelming and painful. I want to be God-fearing, but I’m not sure what steps to take next. Any advice on coping, finding sincere faith, or reconciling these feelings while staying within Islamic boundaries would mean a lot.