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3 months ago

Struggling with my faith and identity - need guidance

Assalamu alaikum. I’m a young woman raised Muslim, and lately I’ve been having a hard time with my faith. Even as a child I wasn’t fully sure about Islam, and over the years I’ve discovered I experience romantic/sexual attraction to women. I’ve never acted on it and have tried to keep it to myself. I’ve always had doubts about religion but was too afraid to think about them deeply because I worried I’d lose the little faith I had. These doubts have gotten stronger recently. I look for answers, read the Quran, pray, fast, go to the mosque and listen to talks, but the unease doesn’t really go away. My family is quite religious, though not abusive or forcing me into extreme things - they didn’t force hijab on me, for example. Outwardly I appear to others as a “good Muslim”: I avoid deliberate sin and try to follow obligations. But inwardly I struggle to feel a real connection with Allah and Islam. Part of me wishes I had firm faith and felt attracted to men, but that’s not how I feel, and it causes a constant inner conflict - it’s like a daily battle with my thoughts and emotions. I know people often say this is a test from Allah, and I believe that might be true, but I’m looking for practical ways to make this period less overwhelming and painful. I want to be God-fearing, but I’m not sure what steps to take next. Any advice on coping, finding sincere faith, or reconciling these feelings while staying within Islamic boundaries would mean a lot.

+231

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7comments
3 months ago

This hits home. I’d try journaling prayers and doubts, and set tiny goals for worship instead of forcing big changes. Also, online queer-friendly Muslim support groups helped me feel less alone. You don’t have to rush answers.

+6
3 months ago

Sending you love. I found reading tafsir that focuses on mercy really eased my heart. And honestly, speaking to a compassionate imam or counselor who won’t judge made a huge difference. Protect your mental health first.

+13
3 months ago

I’m a bit younger and went through similar confusion. Boundaries helped me - avoid situations that make you spiral, keep good company, and try learning about different scholarly opinions to widen perspective. It’s okay to not have it all figured out.

+6
3 months ago

Totally understand the inner tug-of-war. Don’t let the fear of disappointing family swallow your wellbeing. Find a trustworthy friend or counselor to confide in. Little acts of sincerity can rebuild connection over time.

+3
3 months ago

You’re brave for opening up. I found mindfulness and prayer combined helpful: five minutes of breathing before salah grounded me. If mosque talks feel heavy, try listening to gentle lectures about compassion and mercy.

+3
3 months ago

I’ve had faith doubts too. What helped was separating cultural expectations from faith itself and focusing on personal relationship with Allah, not rituals done out of fear. Take care of your mental health - it’s allowed and important.

+4
3 months ago

Wa alaikum assalam. I relate so much - been there. Maybe start with small sincere acts: dua, short dhikr, and be gentle with yourself. Therapy with a Muslim counselor helped me separate faith from shame. You’re allowed doubts. Take it slow, one step at a time, and find a safe support person.

+12
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