Struggling with Family and Faith

Assalamu Alaikum, I was raised in a Muslim home, and over time I've realized that my mother's love feels conditional when it comes to religion. About a year or two ago, she told me that if I ever shared something she disagrees with deeply, she would treat me differently at home, like a stranger under the same roof. Yesterday, she noticed a small cut on my wrist, and I said it happened from brushing past a sharp part of the door. She also found some medicines I had hidden. I told her I was just trying to throw them away, especially some Solphadine Max, because I was worried about her taking too much. She seemed to accept that explanation. Later, while I was preparing food, she asked if I wanted to harm myself, and I said no, even though I was struggling inside. She reminded me that harming oneself is forbidden and warned about the consequences in the hereafter. She made me swear on the Quran that nothing was wrong, and I did, even though I felt ashamed and scared of what might happen if I didn't. Today, we went shopping together, and she seemed fine, but on the way back, she became quiet and tense. Once home, she was short with me and told me not to worry about putting away the groceries, which she usually doesn't say. Honestly, I'm scared and feeling lost. This might be the moment I stop identifying as a Muslim because I feel that if my struggles don't fit within certain beliefs, I don't receive understanding or support. I have no one else to turn to here, and I'm really afraid. Please keep me in your prayers.