Still Struggling to Find Peace After Being Sexually Assaulted - As-salamu alaykum

As-salamu alaykum. I'm still trying to come to terms with being sexually assaulted and it's been so hard. I tried to live a chaste life, so I honestly had no idea what was happening when it started. Like many survivors, I froze - I couldn't stop it, couldn't scream for help or fight back. The person who did it told me "you could have said no, anything" and that makes it worse. I know I probably won't get justice, an apology, or any recognition, but the memory keeps replaying in my head. I can't move past the grief and the anger. It's been over a year and I worry about how I'll ever approach marriage. I feel so ashamed there isn't anyone I can safely talk to. I even felt so dirty that I thought maybe Allah SWT wouldn't accept my prayers - maybe if I'd prayed in that moment it wouldn't have hurt me so much. I used to be the sort of person with no secrets, who would tell everything openly, but now this weighs on me with a shame I never imagined. I used to look away from non-mahram men in just a second, and I used to sincerely repent for shaking hands because of Western customs. All of that makes this feel even heavier. Sometimes I try to find a silver lining: maybe this has pulled me away from being too attached to this dunya. I also think of the innocent children in Gaza and others who have suffered far worse - maybe in the akhira they will be free of that trauma, and maybe, Lord willing, this memory will be eased or removed for me too. Sometimes I wonder if I brought this on myself because I judged others for having a "past." I know that's a harsh thought, but it haunts me. Please, anyone reading this, take my warning seriously: do not meet someone alone even if they say it's about marriage. Even in a busy place they can find a way to get you somewhere private. If you don't have experience, you might be too scared to say no as they slowly cross boundaries. Your mind can go numb while they act as if it's an ordinary day. May Allah SWT give me and everyone who has suffered patience, healing, and ease. If you can, please keep me in your du'as.