Starting Over: My Journey Back to the Basics of Islam
Assalamu alaikum. I'm a Muslim sister who was born into the faith, but I feel completely lost about where to begin relearning everything. My life has been truly blessed, Alhamdulillah, with a loving family, but I need to be direct because I could go on and on otherwise. My core issue as a Muslim is that I lack a solid foundation. I don't pray daily-I've tried countless times to make it a sincere, consistent habit, but I always seem to fall back into old patterns. I've repented and returned to Allah so many times, only to find myself back at square one. (I should mention, I might be dealing with some personal struggles and hope to seek therapy in the future, Insha'Allah, but I'm not using that as an excuse for my shortcomings). After all these attempts, I think I understand the problem: my foundation is weak. It's hard to explain, but for example, I believe in Allah, in Heaven and Hell, and in all the core tenets... but *why* do I believe? Is it just because I was raised this way? And if my belief is so strong, why can't I obey the command to pray? I'm missing even the basic knowledge that many children have, even though I know I learned some of it at some point. I can't read the Quran fluently; I stumble over the letters and sometimes misread them, and I only know a few surahs by heart. I don't remember the hadith or the stories of the prophets. I've tried to fix these things, but I keep failing, so I need a whole new approach. Essentially, I know I believe, but I don't know how to act on it. I need to start praying consistently and rebuild my faith from the very ground up, like strengthening the base of a building so it won't collapse. By nature, I try to be a good person-kind to others and all-but I need my prayers and my core belief to be much stronger. Right now, I just need help. I don't know where to start or what to do, since nothing I've tried has worked. If anyone can offer some gentle advice, I would be so, so grateful. ❤️ P.S.: Please feel free to ask if you need more details; this is my first time sharing something like this. And I apologize if anything I said came across as rude or offensive-it was totally unintentional.