Sometimes I wish I left this world as a child, so I'd be sure of Jannah

Please make dua for me, I'm feeling like a total failure. I've been struggling with sadness, social anxiety, and self-pity for over six years now, ever since my university days. I feel like such a loser, and it's just dragging me down. I don't have a career, and my grandparents want me to marry someone I barely know, who might even look old enough to be my mother. I'm also caught up in harmful desires that I know are wrong. I'm considering trying antidepressants because after all this time, nothing seems to change.