Sisters, please advise - struggling with my mother's words

As-salamu alaykum. I'm the eldest in a South Asian Muslim family and I won't sugarcoat it. Has anyone else been deeply hurt by their mother and can't seem to move past it? How do you cope? My mother constantly speaks with misogyny, jealousy and bitterness. A good day can be ruined by a single comment. She controls whether I go out with friends, and even when I don't ask for expensive things and make do with simple options, she criticises that too. If I stand in front of a mirror for a few minutes she starts saying cruel things - that I'll always be ugly because I'm ugly inside, that Allah is punishing me and it's visible on my face. I'm not very talkative or expressive, and she blames me for everything. She accuses me of hating the family and says it's because I want to get married - which is true, marriage feels like my only way out. She tells me I deserve an abusive husband and that she'll see me married to someone decades older. All my life she's said she'd have preferred I never been born and other hurtful things. I try to be patient and not answer back, but it's getting too much. I don't think I can ever forgive her for the way she talks about marriage and my life. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you survive emotionally and spiritually? Sometimes I feel guilty - like maybe it's my fault for not being expressive or for the way she sees me. Lately I've even had thoughts about death. I know suicide is haram, but when my own mother curses me and says such things, I wonder if I'm to blame and if Allah will forgive me if my mother won't. Why should I keep doing what's halal and doing good deeds if I might end up punished because of her? Please share any advice, duas, or experiences. I need practical ways to cope, strengthen my iman, and set boundaries where possible. Jazakum Allah khair.