Seeking to curb attention-seeking toward men - Islamic perspective
As-salamu alaykum. This is a bit awkward to talk about, but I wanted an Islamic viewpoint to help me move past this feeling. To be honest, I'm not someone who acts like they're craving attention. I actually keep my distance from men as much as I can (just casually or as friends), and I've never intentionally flirted. Still...I notice a pull in me to appear attractive to the opposite gender. Astaghfirullah - when I see a Muslim man I find good-looking or pleasant, I have to turn my head so I don't keep staring. It's not lust exactly, but there's a curiosity and a draw. It's embarrassing. Part of me hopes he might notice me and perhaps be a marriage possibility. I don't want men lusting after me or all sorts of men looking at me. I only want to be seen or liked by the one Allah has written for me. I think that wish for my future spouse is what fuels this strange urge. In the meantime, how do I stop doing this or change these thoughts? I feel guilty and embarrassed about wondering or being curious about random Muslim men. I don't act on anything, but how can I keep my mind from wandering like this? My thoughts: remember to lower your gaze when you feel tempted and make dua for your future spouse - asking Allah to bring the right one to you and to protect your heart. Increase dhikr and Qur'an recitation to occupy your mind, and keep yourself busy with beneficial activities or goals. Surround yourself with supportive Muslim friends/family who encourage modesty, and consider setting small personal rules (like limiting times you're in mixed settings where you notice this happening). If memories or thoughts persist, gently redirect them without harsh self-blame and seek forgiveness (say astaghfirullah) when needed. If it helps, speak to a trusted female mentor or a local imam for personalized advice. You aren't alone in this - many people worry about finding their spouse and feel curious sometimes. Be patient with yourself, keep making dua, and take practical steps to lower your gaze and strengthen your heart.