Seeking Guidance on Faith and Next Steps, As-salamu alaykum
As-salamu alaykum everyone. I'm looking for guidance because I'm feeling stuck and unsure. I was raised Christian but drifted away in my teens. When I came back I felt the Holy Spirit, but later I rejected it - something I was told is unforgivable in my tradition. That experience was the most powerful I’ve felt, yet I slipped back into old habits and the attractions of the dunya. I’ve dealt with real mental health struggles, and sometimes distancing myself from God makes things worse. Oddly, though, I notice calm and relief when I read or listen to the Quran - my thoughts slow down and I feel more at ease. That’s what first made me curious about Islam. My ties to Christianity feel broken; I didn’t have good experiences with members or clergy, and that hurt. Theologically I don’t feel totally opposed - I believe in the same One as other Abrahamic faiths. After thinking and praying about it, I’m considering conversion. I understand the shahada is a spoken covenant with Allah, and I don’t want to say it lightly. So my questions are: can I visit a mosque and learn more about Islam without saying the shahada right away? How do I respectfully explore this path until I’m certain? And how might I prepare for my family’s reaction if I do decide to accept Islam? I’d appreciate practical advice from anyone who’s gone through something similar, or tips on how to approach local masajid, connect with knowledgeable but kind people, and take care of my mental health while making this decision. Jazakum Allahu khairan.