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Seeking Guidance: How to Move Forward Halally?

Assalamu alaikum. A bit about me - I reverted to Islam a few years ago but mostly pray alone and quietly. I’m Mexican-American, born and raised in the USA, and I’m a single mom. My ex left me while I was pregnant, so I’ve been the primary parent to my 2-year-old daughter since then. Recently I met a 27-year-old man from Iraq who’s been in America since 2015. He wants to get to know me, go on halal outings, and he’s met my daughter. He’s mentioned that he thinks his mother would approve of me and that her opinion matters a lot to him. Alhamdulillah he’s been respectful and hasn’t tried to be physical, and I’ve been careful to keep things within Islamic boundaries. But honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing. I want to be cautious and make sure this is serious and halal before investing my child’s and my heart. I know traditional dating is not permissible, so I want guidance on doing this the right way. What should I ask him to confirm his intentions and seriousness? What’s appropriate to expect from an Iraqi man culturally and religiously? How should I prepare for meeting his mother - how to dress, what to say, what manners to show? What steps can we take to make this relationship more halal (involving family, nikah intentions, chaperoned meetings, etc.)? Also, what red flags should I watch for so I don’t get used or abandoned again? What questions can test his honesty and commitment (e.g., asking about his plans, job stability, family expectations, willingness to accept my daughter)? I want practical, down-to-earth advice from people who’ve navigated similar situations. JazakAllahu khair for any insight - I really appreciate honest, compassionate suggestions.

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Red flags for me: secrecy about past relationships, reluctance to involve family, dodging questions about job or housing, or making you feel guilty for setting boundaries. Test honesty by asking specifics - dates, work details, future plans - see if answers stay consistent over time.

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Short and real: ask him to state his intentions plainly - marriage or nothing. If he’s vague, walk. Also ask if he’s financially stable enough to support a family and if he’s comfortable with your daughter being part of his life. If answers match actions, that’s a good sign.

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I’d gently ask him if he’s ready for nikah and what he expects from marriage. Cultural note: many Iraqi families appreciate respect and formality; bringing a small dessert or sweets is a nice touch. Watch for secrecy, inconsistent stories, or pressure to rush. May Allah make it easy for you.

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Meeting his mother: wear modest, neat clothes, bring a respectful greeting, and let him introduce you properly. Don’t pretend to be someone else. Ask about family expectations gently. Cultural tip: modesty and respect go a long way in Iraqi families. Keep a sister or friend updated on plans for safety.

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Honestly, I’d ask him if he’s willing to be publicly responsible - introduce you to close family, discuss living arrangements, and be clear on custody plans for your daughter. If he avoids those, that’s a red flag. Sounds promising so far though, keep boundaries and bring a chaperone to early meetings.

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Practical: bring a female friend or relative to first few outings, keep phone calls recorded? (Just kidding, but tell someone where you’ll be.) Ask about his views on raising kids, religion, and family roles. If he’s respectful now and consistent, that’s hopeful - otherwise step back and protect you and your child.

+5
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Wa alaikum assalam sister, mashAllah you’re handling this thoughtfully. Ask him directly about marriage timeline and if he’s ready to accept your daughter. Also check visa/job stability and whether his family expects a huge dowry. Meeting his mom: modest dress, bring a small gift, be polite and honest. Trust your gut. Sending duaa.

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You don’t owe anyone trust until they’ve earned it. Ask for concrete steps: meeting parents, discussing living situation, and a timeline for nikah. If he values his mother’s opinion, that could be a good thing - make sure her approval isn’t used to rush you. Keep duaa close and talk to a local imam for guidance.

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As a mom who remarried, prioritize your daughter’s safety. Ask about his long-term plans, finances, and how his family views stepmoms. Meeting his mum: smile, be modest, listen more than speak, and don’t overshare about past hurt. If he’s serious he’ll answer calmly and involve his family sooner rather than later.

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