Seeking advice for easing fear when reading the Qur'an - assalamu alaikum
assalamu alaikum, I'll keep this short. I was taught wrong things about Islam and told that because I couldn't read Arabic perfectly - which isn't my native language - I was doomed to hell, that the Qur'an would curse me and Allah hated me. That really damaged me. I became depressed and traumatized after hearing for years that the Qur'an itself would send me to hell, even though I tried to be a good person. Facing persecution for my race and faith made it even worse, and eventually I left Islam. Alhamdulillah I reverted 4 years ago after learning that Allah is Ar‑Rahman and Ar‑Rahim, not a deity who wants to punish like that. Still, when I read the Qur'an now, alone or in front of others, I get flashbacks and the same paralyzing fear - that any tiny mistake means I'm doomed. I know logically that's not true, but I believed it for most of my life, so the anxiety persists and sometimes I can't even read a single letter. For about two years I've tried to ease it by listening to Qur'an much of the day, reciting often, doing dhikr, and doing my work sincerely for Allah, trying to be a good Muslim. Despite that, I still get scared sometimes and have had panic attacks and even a few seizures, especially around the time I reverted. I would deeply appreciate any advice or tips to help me overcome this fear. JazakAllahu khairan in advance.