Salam - Feeling unfamiliar without my hijab

Salam! (Just a reflection, I haven’t decided to remove my hijab - still thinking.) Has anyone else ever felt strange or unattractive when they don’t wear their hijab? I’ve worn mine since I was 14 by choice and I’m in my late 20s now. Because I started wearing it during some really rough, formative years, when I take it off I feel like I’m looking at that shy, depressed 14‑year‑old version of myself. Lately I’ve been having an identity crisis and have wondered if removing it, at least temporarily, might help me reconcile that younger self with who I am now - like a kind of exposure therapy to fix the disconnect I feel with my body. But when I tried outfits without my hijab recently, I almost cried at how I saw myself. My hair felt plain and frumpy, my face looked wider, and even wearing short sleeves (just above the elbow) made me notice details I’m not used to - and I wanted to reach for my hijab just so I could look put together again. I also value being a visible Muslim and the sense of identity that brought me. The idea of removing the scarf makes me sad about losing that visible marker. I’ve thought maybe a small gold necklace engraved with Allah’s name could feel meaningful and help keep that spiritual and cultural connection (real gold is significant in my Pakistani background). Wearing hijab has also given people the wrong impression about my ethnicity - many assume I’m Arab, and that frustrates me because I’m not. It surprises me to admit that part of why I have worn hijab is because it made me feel beautiful. That feels at odds with what hijab should mean spiritually, so I wonder if taking it off would actually be a harder test for my faith. Another hard part: I’ve noticed I’ve let other parts of my deen slide while still wearing hijab - missed prayers, less Quran, less dhikr - and used hijab as a kind of shortcut to feeling religious. If I stop wearing it, I feel like I can’t hide anymore. I’d have to be more consistent with salah, dhikr, and Quran. That accountability scares me but also feels like maybe it would be healthier. Other reasons I wear it: accountability, being a role model, and a visible sign of piety. But I’ve been asking myself - to whom am I showing my piety? Allah alone knows the heart. And while I once wore it purely because I believed it was commanded, I find myself questioning and reflecting more now (this isn’t meant to open a theological debate here). Some people say they ‘get dolled up’ at home to feel beautiful, but I live alone and don’t really wear makeup. At home my hair’s usually in a ponytail. Who am I dressing for, honestly? If I do uncover, it would be to face and work through developmental trauma. Maybe afterwards I’d choose to wear it again. It’s just scary to confront that unfamiliar, arrested version of myself I’ve hidden under the scarf since 14. Anyway - existential crisis vibes but that’s where I’m at 😅 EDIT: to clarify - I don’t mean I’m inherently ugly or need makeup. I mean the person without hijab feels unfamiliar, stuck in the past, and therefore looks strange to me.