Salam - feeling overwhelmed by being a woman

Assalamu alaykum, I’m really struggling and I don’t know where to turn. Lately I feel like being a woman is more curse than blessing, like just existing is somehow wrong. There’s so much confusion about what counts as tabarruj and what the proper hijab should be that I can’t tell what’s right. If the “ideal” is niqab, then why were women created like this? Sometimes I wish I were a man so I wouldn’t feel so lost. If we’re told not to be seen because of fitnah, it makes me wonder why we exist at all. I get paranoid because I wear hijab but not abaya, so I feel like I haven’t reached the right level and that I’m already a failure. And before anyone says women have it easier: I would gladly take part in jihad, lead people, have clear purpose. It seems like in many conversations Islam’s honor of women is framed mostly as being a pious wife or a good mother. What if you never marry? Do you become useless? What about all the acts of worship or opportunities that seem tied to having a guardian or a husband - like the difficulties unmarried women face in traveling for Hajj or certain kinds of participation? It makes me feel like if you’re unmarried, or not conventionally beautiful, or don’t plan to marry, your life has no value. People sometimes say women are cared for and cherished, but there are so many girls who grow up without fathers or male guardians, or who have to work to support their families. That isn’t always true. I’m not a feminist crusader or someone who hates men - I promise - I’m just lost. I really wish Allah had made me a man so I could feel I have real worth in this world. I feel suicidal a lot and I’ve reached a point where I can’t even pray or make du’a properly. I’m probably missing a lot of knowledge, but please can anyone help me find a way out of this despair?