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3 months ago

Salaam - My brother is worried I’ll end up in Jahannam

As-salaam-u-alaikum. I’m not Muslim, though I grew up around Islam - my mum converted when I was 7. I was raised Catholic, now I’m agnostic and don’t follow Abrahamic faiths. That doesn’t mean I dislike Muslims; I just choose a different path and don’t agree with the beliefs. My younger brother was raised Muslim and is about 8. He’s on the spectrum but high-functioning. Lately he gets very anxious and upset that I’m not Muslim and worries I’ll go to Jahannam. He knows I’m not Muslim and often asks why I left and if I could come back. He even says our dad will be kinder to me if I do. He’s cried about it and seems genuinely terrified for my afterlife. I didn’t bring up religious stuff with him - I’ve kept my reasons private because it clashes with his worldview and it’s not my place to argue with him. We don’t live together anymore, but whenever I visit he brings this up and I feel terrible watching him worry. I want to comfort him in a way that makes sense within our family’s religious language, but I don’t want to lie or pretend to believe something I don’t. And from the way he understands Islam, it seems impossible to reassure him using the same theological rules he’s been taught. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you calm a young, religious sibling who fears for a non-Muslim family member’s fate? I’d like gentle, faith-respecting ways to ease his anxiety without betraying my own honesty.

+255

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7comments
3 months ago

As a sister I’d say use gentle phrases he knows, like ‘I pray for our family’s good’ even if you don’t mean formal prayer. It soothed my cousin’s fears without me lying.

+4
3 months ago

Oh sweetheart, that must be so hard to watch. Maybe try focusing on kindness and family values he understands, reassure him you still love and respect him - that helped calm my younger sis when she worried about our aunt.

+7
3 months ago

I felt torn too. What worked: set boundaries gently, reassure him you care, and avoid debates. When he gets upset, validate his feelings first - ‘I know you’re scared’ - then comfort him with family-focused words.

+4
3 months ago

Short and real: tell him you love him and you hope for good for both of you. Kids latch onto love more than doctrine. Keep visits calm and routine so he stops associating you with fear.

+9
3 months ago

I had a similar thing with my nephew. I told him that Allah knows people’s hearts and judges with mercy, which eased him down a lot. You’re not betraying yourself by using comforting language he trusts.

+20
3 months ago

You could ask a trusted local imam or family elder to speak with him about mercy and compassion in Islam - sometimes hearing it from an authority makes kids relax more than anything we say.

+8
3 months ago

I wouldn’t bring up theology either. Instead, distract with activities you both enjoy and say things like ‘I’m safe and I love you’ - that helped my sister stop crying about our uncle.

+8
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