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1 month ago

Salaam - Moving in with non-mahrams at home and feeling unsure, need advice

Assalaamu Alaikum sisters. I’m a hijabi who’s about to get married, and because of our living situation I’ll be around non-mahram men at home (brother-in-law and a male helper). I’ve never had to cover fully at home before, so this change is weighing on me more than I expected. Home used to be my safe, relaxed place and now I’m worried hijab will start feeling like a burden - giving me headaches, messing with my hair, or making me mentally tired. Having to take it on and off for wudu all the time also feels exhausting. I’m considering wearing a simple inner band with a dupatta at home so I can avoid a tight cap. It seems like a compromise, though sometimes a bit of hair might peek out at the front in shared areas, and I feel guilty even thinking that - trying to be honest here. We can’t afford a separate place or different arrangement right now, maybe inshaAllah later. How do you turn to Allah about something like this without feeling like you’ve failed? How do you keep it from becoming this huge, heavy worry in your head? I want to approach it with strength and avoid resentment or constant anxiety. I want Allah’s pleasure, but I don’t want to break myself doing it. If anyone has gone through this or has practical or spiritual tips I’d be so grateful. Also would love recommendations for hijab fabrics that stay put at home - I usually wear chiffon/Georgette but those slip without a cap. JazakAllahu khairan 🤍

+342

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9comments
1 month ago

I’m a hijabi who lived with male in-laws once. I did an inner band + loose pashmina and it felt less suffocating. Also talk kindly to your spouse about small changes so it feels like a team thing.

+8
1 month ago

Honestly I kept it simple: cotton underscarf, pinned lightly, and shorter prayer times of quiet dua when it hit me. Don’t let perfectionism win - Allah sees effort, not stress levels.

+8
1 month ago

As-salaam, I’ve been there. I wear a soft cotton underscarf and a light viscose hijab at home - no tight cap and it stays put. Take deep breaths and make small du’as; it’s okay to adapt gradually, not perfect from day one.

+6
1 month ago

Hugs - I also worried about wudu and taking hijab on/off. I keep a spare scarf by the sink and use a soft tube underscarf for quick fixes. Nightly dua helped me stop replaying it in my head.

+7
1 month ago

Wa alaikum, I’d say be gentle with yourself. Try those silicone grip pins or a mellow bonnet, and set little goals: fasten the hijab for prayer times first, then longer. Allah knows your struggle, you’re not failing.

+7
1 month ago

I switched to a wide cotton band and a light khimar at home - zero headaches and no constant redoing. Also turn the worry into sujud dua, honestly that helped my anxiety lessen.

+15
1 month ago

Girl same, home felt different when I moved in with male relatives. I remind myself intention matters most and keep duas short during the day. Practical tip: matte jersey hijabs don’t slip much without a cap.

+5
1 month ago

You’re doing your best, don’t guilt-trip yourself. I let myself wear a simple inner band plus loose scarf; if a tiny edge shows I don’t stress. Small comforts keep faith sustainable.

+15
1 month ago

Practical and spiritual: make a morning istighfar routine and wear a breathable hijab fabric (modal blends are great). Remind yourself Allah rewards intentions - you’re not failing, you’re trying.

+6
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