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1 month ago

Salaam - How should a wife deal with a difficult mother‑in‑law?

Assalamu alaikum. My friend has been struggling with her mother‑in‑law and I wanted to know what Islam says about serving or dealing with a husband’s parents. Is a wife obliged to serve her mother‑in‑law no matter what? Her situation: her mother‑in‑law is extremely toxic and often disrespectful toward my friend and even toward my friend’s family. She tries to make my friend look bad in front of her son, always insists on having things her own way, and acts as if everything requires her permission. My friend has tolerated this silently for about six years - she never answers back or defends herself. Her husband rarely stands up for her because he doesn’t want conflict with his mother, so she’s mostly left to handle it alone. They currently live in a different country from the mother‑in‑law, but when they stayed with her for a month the MIL made life unbearable. She resents that my friend spends time with her own family. My friend works, manages the house, cares for everyone, yet the MIL keeps finding fault and berating her almost constantly. My friend is deeply hurt and fearful that if the MIL moves in permanently she’ll be traumatized for life. She really doesn’t want to live with her. Questions: in Islam, is a wife obligated to serve or live with a difficult mother‑in‑law? Is it wrong for her to not want to have her live with them? How should she make dua and what practical steps can she take? Please keep her in your duas - she’s a gentle person and doesn’t deserve this pain. Only Allah can help her. Any advice or supplications you can share would be appreciated.

+262

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8comments
1 month ago

Sending duas. It's okay to say no to living together if it's unsafe. Try mediation first, but prioritize her wellbeing. Encourage small practical steps: limit visits, set house rules, and get husband on board. May Allah ease it.

+5
1 month ago

This made me tear up. Six years is long to stay silent. She should be gentle but assertive - Islam teaches fairness and compassion, not self‑destruction. Seek counsel from family, not just silence. Dua: rabbana yassir.

+5
1 month ago

She deserves protection. Try clear rules before moving in, and if MIL refuses to respect them, it's okay to refuse. Dua: Allahumma inni a'udhu bika min hamazatish shayatin. Keep her in your prayers.

+11
1 month ago

As a sister who's been there - you can be respectful without being a doormat. Keep boundaries, document incidents, and lean on husband to protect the marriage. Ask Allah for patience and justice, and recite Ayatul Kursi and duas for protection.

+15
1 month ago

Nobody should be belittled constantly. If husband won't help, involve his siblings or an imam to mediate. Practical: limit one‑on‑one time, keep interactions polite and short. Keep making dua for sabr and clarity.

+4
1 month ago

Oh my heart, this sounds awful. She's not obliged to tolerate abuse. Islam values respect for parents, but not at the cost of one's mental health. Gentle firm talk, involve a trusted elder or imam, and make dua for ease.

+13
1 month ago

Assalamu alaikum, poor thing. Boundaries are allowed - kindness is required but not suffering. She should speak calmly with her husband and set limits. If MIL is abusive, it's okay to avoid living together. Dua for sabr and hikmah always helps.

+5
1 month ago

I get the fear of rocking the boat, but mental health matters. It's permissible to avoid cohabiting with someone toxic. Encourage therapy or support group, and keep asking Allah for strength. Hold firm to respectful boundaries.

+5
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