Salaam - Born Muslim but unsure how to explore my faith

As-salamu alaykum, please excuse the messy writing - I’m a bit all over the place. I was born into a Muslim family. My home wasn’t very religious, and Islam didn’t come up much except my mum reminding me to pray sometimes. We went to madrasah as kids to learn Quran reading and basic Islamic stories and practices, but I quit around 12. I’m probably luckier than some for having gone, but madrasah always felt like a chore and I didn’t really connect with it. Most of my life I only turned to Allah when I was desperate - like the night before an exam. I’m 20 now and my Islamic knowledge is limited. I can read the Quran and I know how to pray, though reading is a struggle. Truthfully, with so little understanding, I’m not sure I fully believe. Prayer sometimes feels meaningful and other times like an obligation I skip. I know feelings alone aren’t a reliable foundation for faith - lots of things feel good but aren’t beneficial. I want to study Islam properly, almost like someone approaching it from the outside, but it’s overwhelming. I feel guilty for not praying, yet I wonder how I can force myself to pray if I’m not convinced. Is it wrong to focus on learning first and only pray once I’m convinced? Am I even a Muslim if my belief isn’t firm? What if I die and Islam is true after I admitted doubts - that scares me. I’d really appreciate advice on how to start learning in a manageable way, how to deal with the guilt about prayer while I’m uncertain, and any thoughts on whether focusing on knowledge first is acceptable. JazakAllahu khair for any help.