Returning to Islam After Many Years Away – Feeling Lost but Hopeful

Assalamu Alaikum, Like I mentioned, I’ve found my way back to Islam after more than a decade away, alhamdulillah. I’m Somali living in Scandinavia, where Muslims and immigrants often get a bad rap in the media. Growing up, most of my friends were Muslim, but as I hit my teens, that changed. I ended up mostly hanging out with non-Muslim friends and slowly started to believe the negative stereotypes I saw about us. Without realizing it, I drifted away from my Muslim identity and values. Now that I’m back – praying regularly, going to the masjid, and attending Qur’an classes – I feel pretty isolated. Most of the friends I had are gone, so in about a year I went from having many friends to almost none. I also struggle to connect with other Muslims at the masjid. I feel like I don’t belong and sometimes like I’m faking it. I carry guilt and shame for the life I lived before and can’t believe how blind I was. At the masjid, I always smile and say salam to people I know, but nothing ever grows from that. Everyone seems to have their own groups, and I’m usually sitting alone, smiling outside but anxious and afraid of being rejected inside. Right now, I’m on sick leave from university until next August, which gives me a chance to focus on my iman and rebuild who I am. I know we shouldn’t dwell on past mistakes, but I feel like I need to talk to someone and figure out how to move forward. I’m seeing a therapist who isn’t Muslim for stress – that’s why I’m not at school – but I also really need some religious guidance. For months I’ve wanted to speak with my local imam but haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I feel ashamed and unsure how to start the conversation. Sometimes I feel lost and even have doubts. Some might say talk to my family, but mine is small – just my mother and siblings. I don’t want to worry them more because they’ve already been concerned about me in the past. My father hasn’t been around much and isn’t practicing, so I can’t count on him. Even though I’m almost 28, I wish I had an older, knowledgeable person to help me plan my next steps. I want to get married, have children, go for Hajj – I want all of that. But right now, my mental health, past hurts, financial problems (including a big riba loan I made during my time away from Islam), and other struggles feel like heavy chains holding me back. If anyone has been through something similar and managed to turn their life around, I’d be really grateful for your advice – especially about getting through the tough changes. Any tips on how to approach an imam or find other support would be super helpful too.