Practical Tip: Make an end-of-life plan document for your parents (and yourself)
As-salamu alaykum - my family is the sort to not shy away from morbid topics, so nobody objected when I did this for my parents. Mum filled hers out willingly; Dad procrastinated as usual but has been getting on with it lately. Basically, ask these questions now while they're of sound mind and everyone's calm. Some of the questions I asked: - Do you want a Do Not Resuscitate order? What are your thoughts on life-prolonging treatments like ventilators? How do you feel about organ or tissue donation according to Islamic guidance? Would you prefer to pass away at home if possible? - Who is your lawyer/guardian for documents? Where can we find your will, power of attorney, and other important papers? - Is there a funeral home or services you prefer that follow Islamic rites? Would you rather be buried or (note: cremation is not permitted in Islam) - any preferred cemetery, clothes for burial (simple shroud/white kafan), and any wishes about grave placement? Do you want your wedding ring handled a certain way; if not, who should inherit it? - Who would you like to lead the funeral prayer (Salat al-Janazah) or give a short remembrance? Any nasheeds or Quran recitations you prefer? Any particular Qur'an verses or duas you want read? Who should we be sure to invite or inform that we might not think of: distant relatives, community members, friends abroad, etc.? - Any thoughts on a headstone or simple grave marker that aligns with Islamic practice? - If you both pass together, what should happen to the cat? (Who will care for it, where should it go?) - Are any belongings especially sentimental or family heirlooms, and if so, who should receive them? [I actually went round the house with Mum and we made a list of heirlooms. It sounds strange, but it wasn't - none of it was hugely valuable, and we're not going to squabble, we just didn't want to donate something and later discover it was important to the family back home. It turned out to be quite nice: a piece of jewellery Mum wants returned to her sister, a teapot we now know is a Significant Teapot. Mum also said we were free to dispose of sentimental things if we wished, which was thoughtful.] - Do you want us to post a brief notice to friends and family, or should we inform people privately? Is there anyone we should notify that we might not know personally: community members, mosque contacts, former colleagues, friends overseas, etc.? I found my parents were vague at first until I asked specifics. “I don’t care what you do with me” often becomes “oh actually, not that option.” Dad kept saying “Just put me in a box,” and I gently reminded him that authorities and Islamic requirements mean we still need a clear plan. Saying “I don’t care” can leave a lot of extra stress for whoever has to arrange things. Anyway - I highly recommend doing this. In our case it’s not a formal legal document; we're a close family and unlikely to contest wishes. If your family situation is more complicated, consider formalizing some wishes legally and ensuring they align with Islamic guidelines. It sparked meaningful conversations, and even in our close family Mum and Dad made choices I hadn’t expected. So, 10/10, would recommend. May Allah make it easy for you and your family (Ameen).