Please, I Need Support - Struggling with My Imaan
As-salamu alaykum. I really need help, answers, anything. Lately I’ve been in an existential crisis, and a big part of it is about my deen. I feel like I might have been following something that isn’t true. I’ve always had ups and downs with faith, but this time it’s different - much heavier. I’ve never felt this close to not being religious; sometimes I even feel like I already am. A lot of things make me doubt, especially the whole faith side. I’ve read many debates between religious and non-religious viewpoints, and the religious arguments often felt weak or like mental gymnastics. It got so bad I cried because I was terrified I’d been following a lie my whole life - that my beliefs, core values, prayers, Quran reading and learning were all for nothing. I can’t explain every thought or doubt - it’s just a mess and I feel awful. I can’t bear this guilt. I doubt, I feel guilty, and I’m scared that my doubts are right. It feels like religion might just be a coping mechanism to explain the unexplainable, and that I can’t lean on that anymore - like we believe tall tales and nothing is true. For clarity: I’m still a Muslim (though I say it more hesitantly these days). I have not left Islam, though sometimes it feels like I have. I’m truly desperate and crying as I write this. Please make dua for me and share any honest advice, comforting reminders from the Quran or hadith, or personal experiences of how you dealt with similar doubts.